They say that the longest distance in the world is that between a man’s head and his heart. Put another way, it takes a big man to be able to determine his feelings and reconcile them with the facts.
Talk to most married women about how often her husband tells her that he loves her, and you’ll likely get a nod of appreciation. “When it comes to rugby or man’s stuff he’s all talk and yet the only time he’s able to talk about us is when he wants something”, is a common take on this.
For guys especially, it’s almost like the facts fight with our feelings, and faith seems to come a very distant third.
Women struggle with this all too, but it’s more often the other way around. Facts get in the way of feelings. An example of this may be, “I love the guy but I know he’s not good for me”.
Maturity in this area does not happen automatically with time, but it does take time to work our selves out. The school of hard knocks helps us to understand that for guys, it is possible to have feelings, and fess up to them, and for girls, that it is possible to engage brain before launching themselves down a path of emotional heartbreak.
As with most life issues, the core of the problem is pride. Men generally like to look cool and to be in control so allowing pesky little things like feelings into the equation can be threatening to us “proudies”.
It’s not all doom and gloom though however. When passion, clearly a primary driver of the Samoan people, is mixed with a strong physique, we have rugby players of international envy. Give a Samoan a rugby ball and say, “Go!” and it needs a world class athlete to stop him. Likewise when it comes to support for anything Samoan . . . the passion is unequalled.
A lot of the gossip that occurs in Samoa is caused from feelings too. Envy, insecurity, selfishness and more all feed the trait that to be quite honest, Samoa should be ashamed of. Simply engaging our brain before telling tales or exercising the tongue in idle gossip would solve no end of grief for people who end up on the end of it, and who are in turn labelled as gossips or troublemakers. I know this all too well from personal experience being the ongoing target of unwelcome gossip myself.
The Samoan guy who punched me up let his feelings of rage get the better of his better judgement. He later tried to apologise but the damage had been done, and the consequences will no doubt haunt him for the rest of his life. When things get a little heated, facts such as possible shame or prison time can be inconvenient.
Again the solution is very simple, even if not easy. It is humility. Like the Good Book says, it’s when we “come down” a little and humble ourselves, rather than putting ourselves above others, we balance the facts and feelings and conduct ourselves in a little more godly manner.
Taking the subject still further, it is when we mix these two things (facts and feelings) together with a measure of faith that we begin to move mountains. Like Christ did so well, establishing facts (that He was the Son of God), with the feelings (such as love and compassion) that gave Him the drive with faith that He had a mission and purpose (a sacrificial Saviour)
Inevitably magic happens when we can properly divine the trio of facts, feelings and faith.