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  1. I think it would serve better to clarify and summarize what I’ve stated in the above exchange. It certainly looks and can read to be emotional, bitchy, wordy and all over the place.

    First of all I know I cannot condemn anyone to justify myself- The Lord, anyone at TPOT or anyone else. I know I’m responsible for me. I actually never intended to fall out or fall away from the group, I was planning just the opposite. I wanted to get even more involved. It’s crazy how things work. I was planning on making a visit up that way when I just fell apart.

    What happened with me and my health was a set of seriously unfortunate happenings and missteps that baffled myself and everyone around me including “professionals” either medical, holistic or whomever. It was no ordinary thing. I took the action and made the decisions, everything just completely backfired.

    The supplements I put in my body poisoned me. No one forced me to take them, they were recommended and I thought they would help. I’ve gone over every decision and scenario in my life to try to find where I went wrong and why this happened. I’ve done this day after day and at this point, it’s pointless. It’s a total struggle at this point in every way so that’s that..

    When I read the update with Paul Cohen on the TPOT website I got upset- (justified or not)

    It compelled me to examine my time there which I have stated was by far mostly all good! Turning to the Lord, I honestly repented and started to live right to the best of my ability and walk on the right track for the first time in my life. It was difficult but more amazing than anything. I felt like the Lord was doing this with me by His strength, power, grace and mercy. (2013-2015 apprx.)

    It forced me to examine myself now (2016-2017)- I’m sick, lost, don’t work and have absolutely zero fruits, zero. All I know how to do is suffer- not complaining just giving you the reality. What have I done wrong? Of course many things. What was I doing wrong during my time at TPOT? Again, probably many things but I was doing the best I knew how or was instructed. I feel like I’ve come so far and learned so much but just can’t apply it to life. I’m technically and mechanically broken. When you can’t sleep properly among other things, before long you can’t do much else.

    I’m not right with God- fine. There is nothing in my life to prove that I am.
    I’ve drawn His wrath- fine (and not fine). I’ll tell you, it is not fun. It’s complete hell.
    The problem however isn’t with Him or anyone else, I know that. It’s with me. I’ve always been my own worst enemy. I understand that.

    I honestly was doing the best I could for my time at TPOT. I had questions, fears, doubts, etc.. but no different than anyone else. I’m a human, not a robot.

    Looking at Paul’s situation and his authority among the group, wielding the iron fist, claiming upright spiritual perfection, claiming to no longer sin and all these things.. and then basically doing what he pleases in all reality and actuality according to parts of his testimony update. Giving himself special status when what is the reality of the situation going on??

    My first thought is- I’m sure he wasn’t doing anything that bad. But what is he claiming and what is he holding others to? Victor and Paul set themselves up so high that it’s a difficult thing not to idolize or worship them.

    So is Paul perfect or perfected? Or is he a work in progress?? Aren’t we all works in progress no matter how “perfect” we become? And so now just Victor’s appointed and Paul’s not? Was Paul ever? Is this not any different than a lot of what happens in Christian circles or churches??

    Is Paul still one of the “two witnesses?” Is this not pharisee like behavior? At the end of the day does it really matter?

    ​Why in the world do I care so much? I have no idea??​
    And I guess it’s not even for them to answer or give explanation. I see it as people just have to make of it what they will and protect themselves.

    That’s when I contacted Dennis and all these things started coming up in my mind and heart. You can see the hypocrisy there. Misunderstanding comes up, misrepresentation, confusion, frustration, manipulation, unnecessary fear and so on.

    Well, I guess that’s what happens when people are built up without fail or when you put your faith in man. I should know, I don’t know if I’ve ever truly trusted the Lord over man.

    I’m sure TPOT will say I’m just pointing the finger and just worry about myself. That I have enough problems. That for sure is true. But at least I can ask some logical questions.

    Does the fact that I’m sick or broken eliminate me from asking questions?

    They are so fast at TPOT to tell someone they’re going to perish. Meanwhile I’m sure everyone at TPOT is a lot less perfect than they think or claim to be. I can almost assure you that. It’s very difficult to get a good read on things, especially with online ministries. You don’t always get the facts and/or the facts can be easily manipulated or you get vague explanations.

    Like with Sara’s situation.. I think it could have been immensely helpful to get an honest summary from her to get both sides but people just appear and disappear leaving others not much to work with or understand. If that’s how it goes then that’s how it goes..

    If I draw the curse from TPOT then I draw it. If that’s how all this works, then ok. At least I piped up and said some things and I know for sure some things others have thought about and just won’t ask for various reasons, possibly mainly fearing to rock the boat or draw Victor’s wrath. I was like that when I was there- ​too afraid to ask..

    Many at TPOT just want to keep Victor happy, tip toeing lightly around him not to piss him off. Most involved want to be “innocent by association”.. Thinking if they’re right with Victor then they’re right with God- maybe that’s the case in reality?

    Is TPOT website going to save everyone? I certainly learned many good things there. What if the site went down or blank? Could people function without it? Maybe Paul got too caught up in his body of work and doing God a service that he thought it was his salvation or he was above inspection?

    Who at TPOT is learning, growing, applying things to life, growing more, making real progress? If so then great! I see a lot of people going in circles, happy enough to not anger Victor and just hold on to his coat tailswhile keeping their head above water​​.​

    Then again they do teach that everyone needs their own oil. And they certainly don’t force anyone to do anything. Maybe​ the communication and structure of things needs work?​ Like I said, things get goofy online..
    If this draws the wrath of TPOT- ok, fair is fair. I know the above article sounds emotional and all over the place. This seems like a better take here (what I’ve wrote) and like I’ve said at least I can ask some questions and engage my brain (or what’s left of it)

    So many people disengage at TPOT without a trace, leaving no understanding, confusion and more questions than answers.

    Maybe I had unreasonable expectations, heck maybe a lot of things..??
    I know I’ve said a lot. I admit to feeling the ways in which I’ve been critical of others.

    I’m not content with myself, life or personal situation.
    Being a young man, I’m a disgrace. I haven’t done my part.

    I know I can’t look back any longer. As much as I want to, I can’t go back and change anything. I would give anything to do that. (I know a lot of people feel like that in ways​ in life)​

    At this point, I know Jesus Christ is Lord. I know He reigns supreme and is in control of all and has authority over all. I know He came and laid His life down and took it back up for the sins and sake of all men (people just like and including me)

    I know one day, in this life or the next that I will take the figurative knife away from my throat and will no longer hold myself hostage or be held hostage and​ I will have peace.​

  2. If Victor wanted to take a proper step of repentance then he would not just have a testimony section on his website but also a testimony for his detractors or also for Paul Cohen instead of pathetically shoving it away in some subtle part of his forum.

    I notice that Dennis is not on the false teachers list there, and he does not even appear anywhere else on the site. They can not even mention that usury is a sin. I hope they pay for that in full.

    To the extent that Victor has judged wrongly, so may God finally stop this. Paul lied when he said that he was willing to take correction from God in the holocaust email to you Dennis, you were God’s correction given straight to Paul.

    I’m sorry if this seems to be some repetitive dilemma between you and me regarding this topic. I have felt I made a lot of progress but it is a bit hard for me to accept any time someone dies like a “false teacher pastor” all TPOT did was stiffen their neck, say “I told you so” and to display more of their attitude, they mocked a church shooting back in November 2017 saying those prayers will never get to God.

    I have looked at your articles in some similar topics, like the Samoan tsunami and how this is about God wanting to extend His love, different than Victor saying the stupid old “well luke 13 siloam tower and 9/11 so anyone who dies is evil” , and even Ron Mckenzie who i disagree with a lot, he doesn’t have the subtle sickening glee that I have seen on that damned forum. Not to mention, to anyone else than Dennis reading this comment, Paul was trying to curse me off and I prayed to God if He wanted to kill either me or Paul then so long as He does what He wants, and one month later Paul was gone (and wasn’t dead either, as a sign of His mercy). But clearly I must have not have something to do with it…

    Wish you the best Dennis.

  3. I hate to ask something like this, but I’m wondering.
    Is it natural (or natural regarding trauma) that I’m having suicidal desires and urges after dealing with them?

    It’s not normal, but is it a natural reaction of sorts to have suicidal urges and desires after something like this? I’m so panicked over doing something wrong and/or losing grace that I feel there’s no other way but to get it over with.

    • Hi Carlee

      > I hate to ask something like this, but I’m wondering.

      It’s not a ‘pretty’ subject is it [suicidal thoughts]? Thank you for asking it though.

      > Is it natural (or natural regarding trauma) that I’m having suicidal desires and urges after dealing with them?

      and from another Comment from Carlee:

      > It’s not normal, but is it a natural reaction of sorts to have suicidal urges and desires after something like this? I’m so panicked over doing something wrong and/or losing grace that I feel there’s no other way but to get it over with.

      First, I’m not a psychiatrist nor a shrink, just a guy with a brain who has the b*lls to speak it like it is. That said though the overwhelming response to ex-PoT adherents is one of confusion. Guilt and pain from grief is also there. Suicidal thoughts are sometimes present but this would be less common because suicide is a rather extreme response to life’s challenges. If however you look to the root cause of suicide then yes, there are many signs such as low self-esteem, depression and guilt. Understand that people who contact me are usually intelligent and open. They are genuinely truthseekers and care. Their capacity to think and reach out to me are actually the same drivers that drew them into the PoT web in the first place! If you take the core failing of PoT as I have blogged about, which is an excess of judgmentalism then it is only natural that people are and will be hurting as a result of moving away. The accusations that Victor Hafichuk (and in days gone past Paul Cohen) throw at those who crossed them (or left them) are vicious and designed to hurt and to curse. They see this as simply speaking truth of course, and they fail to see the hypocrisy which means that they also would fail to see and therefore deny the hurt & evil inherent but it is most certainly there! The idea of losing grace, and the concept of performance is core PoT teaching but runs contrary to the heart of God. I have found that while love can be wishy-washy, truth alone can be brutal and hurtful. The balance can be seen in the Christian faith – a perfect balance between the two is presented on the Cross of Christ. He is the Son of God – truth; He did give His life for us – love. I teach also that while we can balance love and truth 90/10, 70/30, 60/40 or even 51/49 when you get to an equal balance the maths doesn’t make sense any more – there is no such thing as 50/50 – it is 100/100! In terms of dealing with suicidal thoughts, I cannot really identify with this for I have always been honest with myself that this would be a cop-out. I trust that when you push through this phase of extracting yourself from the clearly traumatic PoT influence that you can learn to enjoy life [hopefully again] because I am sure that He has constructive plans for you. Thank you for responding and asking Carlee.

  4. I would be cautious and seek a second opinion about receiving medical advice from them. I’m not saying all their options are bad or should be avoided, but research other options as well, especially if you suffer an auto-immune disorder.

    Holistic/natural medicene isn’t always as safe and effective as they’re made out to be. And let’s just face it, while they exceed in knowledge about healthy diet, they’re still not doctors. Not that doctors are without fault either, obviously. But health issues shouldn’t be taken lightly and be prepared to get advice from multiple sources before you determine your treatment. If you’re comfortable with natural treatment, then go for it.

    • Thank you ex-PoT. There is a subtle difference difference between faith and blind faith. Discernment comes from experience, which you obviously have! One of the critical aspects of the Christian walk is the relationship we have with Jesus, which is a living thing. Knowing when and how to seek help (such as with health issues) isn’t a blanket, rules-based formula, nor dogmatism. There are ‘times and places’ and this wisdom requires intimacy with a personal God, who seeks our heart before blind obedience. We are not destined to be have an automated, puppet-driven existence with an intransigent Daddy in the sky who requires that we all do or say or think the same thing. This applies to medical and health issues the same as all of life’s challenges.

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